When I was a kid, every day I always worry about the bullies in schools. They are everywhere in all corners of our school. At that time (way back 1989), I don’t even know what you call that kind of kids acting to be like villains. Honestly, I see these kids’ not ordinary kids. The funny thing is, often our teachers dearly love these kids. It seems they are teachers’ favourite. They are treating them like babies.
Today, the bullies in schools that I witnessed 30 years ago are the same kind of kids running and laughing in schools. The legislators passed the law to prohibit bullying, but no one dares to implement the rules. No one seems to understand. Alternatively, no one knows how to respond, resolve, and help both the bully and the bullied.
A study reveals that schools today are one of the dangerous places for children to stay.
How to eliminate bullies in schools?
I am not a child expert nor a psychologist. However, I have extensive years of experience working in different children situation across my country. The experience leads me to understand how this violence in schools become a cycle.
Addressing the problem of bullying in school and the bullies in school will not quickly be done by merely making laws, rules, and beating them with a stick. The cycle of violence needs an in-depth understanding not only by school personnel and teachers but also with parents, caregivers, and students.
First, understand the cause of how these bullies became the crème de la crème in this behaviour. From there, the school community shall start solving this violent problem
How are bullies in schools raised?
One observation is that there are many parents, especially fathers or dads, become so proud when their kids bully somebody. Ahem! Parents, don’t be happy but instead be wary. You are just shaping the violent future of your kid and the community she/he is living. Personally, every time I saw parents acting like this, I see insecure and coward adults passing their cowardice mindset to their next generation.
Here are the ways and means how bullies made:
Strained parental relationships
Bullies did not experience the warmth, care, and genuine love of their parents. Commonly, parents are so competitive that they tend to pressure and place unreasonable demands to their kids. For example, they want their kids to be superior athletically and academically.
They teach their kids to be on top of anyone at all costs. These parents are teaching their kids to disrespect others, put down the weak ones, and stand to be the best in everything. The vulnerable mind of the child is starting to learn how to humiliate others, disrespect the rights of other kids, and hurt others to satisfy their parents’ dreams
Absence of consistent teaching the right and correct behaviour at home. Parents do not know how to set rules, set limits, and struggle to hold their children accountable for their behaviour.
By observation, these parents are facing the difficulty of becoming consistent because they know that they could not model good behaviour. Sometimes, these parents feel awkward because they do not practice what they will probably teach
The most common cause why bullies in school exist. Often, the fathers are physically harming their kids. They usually equate this to discipline. Physical harm (I.e., beating with belt, punching, shaming) is not discipline. Parents, when you do this, you are just raising a bully. Moreover, do not be happy when you knew your kid became a bully because it reflects what kind of person you are as parents.
Because the parents physically harm her/him, she will copy and do the same in school. She/he will do this to the weakest, most marginalized, and vulnerable student in school. An act of cowardice
Isolation in school
There are cases that students themselves in school create the bully they will fear. Commonly, they isolate someone they dislike. In turn, this isolated kid will start to think and learn to physically harm and control other kids. For this bully kid, she/he starts to believe that controlling others is one way to gain friends
Victims of bullies
Bullies can multiply themselves. Their victims that do not receive enough support, poor social skills, and rely on learned behaviours will eventually transform to be bullies as well. They will also beat others so that they will no longer become victims.
I remember when I was in my 5th grade, and students from the 6th grade are threatening us and making fun in us. We started to think that by the time you all finish your years in this school, we, the next 6th graders will also be like you. We will also make fun and laugh with the upcoming 5th graders.
How do we address and eliminate bullies in schools?
- Wake up! Parents and teachers! Stop being passive about this bully in school. Conduct regular learning sessions on parenting. In reality, there are only a few parents who invest time and even money to attend seminars or learning session about parenting. Look for good speakers and facilitators that can teach you. Search in the Facebook or Link In and start building a partnership. Some speakers give their services for free.
- Learn positive discipline. There is training for this. By the way, stop saying that “it depends on the parents.” That is the lamest reason I always hear. In my 20 years of experience working in different social issues, including family and children, most parents do not understand what “discipline” really means.
- Stop using physical harm as a form of discipline. It doesn’t help the kid learn the right things in life. Even teachers in school, stop using humiliation and other forms of punishment. You are just merely raising another generation of bullies.
- Advocate and motivate children in school to make friends. Teach children the right behaviours and not to choose who they want to make friends. Teach them that everyone in this world is not perfect. They need one another to be happy.